She Just Had to Be Four Days Late!

Two Big Foot hunting hippies living in the mountains of Olympia, WA. Mom forages for berries in the woods to make homemade cobblers and though dad does hold a job at Sears Dept. Store, he smokes marijuana and lives up the hippy dream on his off time. (Actually, I'm pretty sure he got stoned before work back then as I don't remember a morning he wasn't "wake and bake"-ing it before going to work.

It's May 9th, 1973. My mom is going crazy because she's nine months pregnant with me and I was supposed to born on her birthday, May 5th. See. I was defiant even before birth. No way! I want my own birth date! I aint sharing!

Finally, my mom gets her first contraction. I'm sure those glorious amber eyes of hers grew large and she quietly told my dad the time had come! Dad calls the doctor, and he says that my mom's contractions are too far apart and to wait a while. Quietly, she refused to wait and said, "Take me now!"

Dad dismissed her urgency and opted to smoke a joint before going anywhere.

Into the car they go.... 2 am.

I start crowning in the car. My dad says, "Don't have that baby here! You're going to ruin the car." Mom finally stops being quiet and screams, "I hate you!!!"

Up to the hospital they roll and follow the signs. They parked at the area of the hospital with a big sign saying, "Deliveries."

Mom is bent in half walking from the car to the glass "Deliveries" door. I guess this is the pose she had to stay in to keep me in.

My parents see a janitor mopping and find the door is locked. They panic and begin knocking on the door ferociously. The janitor runs to open the door. "What are you doing here?"

My dad gives him a look as if to say, "Any idiot can see what we're doing here," and tells him my mom in crowning and they were there to deliver their baby.

"This is where they deliver medical supplies'," the janitor informs. I bet deep down inside, that janitor must have thought, "How stupid are these hippies?" But, he kindly ran and found a wheelchair for my mom, helped her in it and wheeled her to the appropriate area...the BABY DELIVERY Place.

Apparently, as soon as they put my mom on the table, I was out!

I came out so fast, my face was flattened and for the first few months of my life, my parents were asked if I was adopted because I looked like a little Eskimo. This speedy birth also caused a hip dysplasia that wasn't noticed until I was learning to crawl. Luckly, it was treated well with physical therapy and though my parents were told I may be disabled, I defied that and have been tap dancing my whole life.

This is the hilarious and true story of my birth.

Kama Ruby dba: unsupported productions

April 24, 2024

Randy Cottengim. Jennie Honecutt and Kama Ruby

"Stoner Parents with Their Stoner Baby!"